How do we emotionally cope with the sadness of growing older  when our bodies change?

This is a very common issue, yet I do not hear this topic being discussed very often. It seems to me that the culture emphasizes youthful appearance as a primary value, rather than accepting the normal aging process without intervention. Face lifts, injections, tummy tucks, hair color and many other procedures are ways to hide our normal aging process.

Every once in a while, I  notice a TV show from England, and I see actors and actressess with lines on their faces, known as wrinkles! Their complexions are far from perfect, and I sometimes exhale with a sense of gratitude, that people are being represented appropriately.

Have you watched film and TV recently, and found that actors/actresses who are above 60 years of age have faces of 30 year olds? Have you noticed the number of magazine photos that are altered?

What message does this send to us? I wonder if there is an unconscious, cultural message that the normal signs of age are to be experienced as something awful, a failure and something that needs to be changed via cosmetic or surgical interventions.

The more important issue here, in my opinion, is that many people begin to feel a sense of low self esteem, depression and self criticism when they age.

How do people cope with a cultural standard of looking young forever, which cannot be met?

ACTION TIPS:

1)Observe your “self talk”….your inner dialogue that tends to be critical.

2) Notice your emotions of sadness or anger toward yourself if you look in the mirror, and dislike what you see.

3) It is appropriate to grieve over loss of function, such as a knee problem that prevents walking upstairs, or another medical condition that causes disability or loss of prior functional ability. Acknowledge  appropriate sadness over changes in physical function, and get some professional or friend support for dealing with this sadness.

4) Become aware how much sadness and judgement you experience around issues of cosmetic things, such as wrinkles. Buffer your critical self judgement with the knowledge that the larger culture may be creating a standard that is unrealistic, made up of many people who have facelifts, injections or touched up photos.

5) Focus on the important features of you as a person, such as kindness, honesty, integrity, compassion and generosity. Give yourself lots of validation for these precious aspects of being human.

6) Seek counseling by a Licensed Mental Health Professional if you feel depressed, and cannot overcome this issue yourself.