Why is Coping With the Death of a Friend a Difficult Journey with a Unique Footprint?

I planned to write an article about coping with the death of a friend in a few weeks, but when I went on Facebook tonight, and  saw posts from Dr. Christiane Northrup, MD/Gynecologist, and Cheryl Richardson, Life Coach and author, I was inspired to write this now.  Debbie Ford, age 57, a close friend of Cheryl Richardson’s, just died of cancer. The outpouring of support for Cheryl on Facebook was very loving and supportive.

There are so many dynamics and elements of friendships, and I have theorized that the journey of grief after the death of a friend “unfolds”  in a unique way which parallels aspects, dynamics and elements of that friendship.

Unlike the bond of family members, spouses, or significant other romantic partnerships, a friendship is held together by a very special type of “glue”.

The friendship bond is 100% voluntary.Friends can walk away any time. When a friendship sustains, it is a powerful connection. A friend can be a mirror of parts of ourselves, and a living diary of our life experiences. In a healthy friendship, the support and love can provide a lifetime source of continuity. In an unhealthy, or turbulent relationship, the death of a friend can be very complicated, and filled with guilt or torment.

Yes, the death of a friend involves a complex journey of healing, with a very unique footprint. The adaptive tasks of dealing with the death of a friend can be overwhelming. Here are a few suggestions to help:

1) Cry. Allow yourself to release the grief. The friendship attachment can be very strong, and the dis-attachment can be so very painful.

2) If you are angry, acknowledge that emotion. Perhaps talking it out or writing in a journal can be of help.

3) Acknowledge any guilt or regret, and seek the help of a licensed mental health professional if you feel unable to work it through yourself.

4) As a Licensed Psychotherapist, and Grief and Bereavement Therapist, I noticed the absence of support groups in my area for the death of a friend.  I wrote an article a few weeks ago, directed toward Licensed Psychotherapists, asking them to organize support groups for the death of a friend. In my opinion, people grieving the death of a friend do not fit in with support groups for the death of a spouse, the death of a child, or for the death of a marriage. The adaptive tasks of grieving are very different. It feels to me as if society is denying the value and importance of the friendship bond, because there are little to no services to support grieving friends.  IF YOU CANNOT FIND A SUPPORT GROUP FOR THE DEATH OF A FRIEND, PERHAPS YOU CAN NOTIFY THE MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATIONS IN YOUR AREA, and get the professionals on board!

5) Please respond to this blog. Perhaps we can get a conversation started here about the complex challenges in dealing with the death of a friend, and offer helpful strategies.