What is a Complicated  Bereavement?

Back in 1975, when I was taking a Masters Degree program in Health Science and Genetic Counseling, we studied many theories of coping with the death of a loved one. The area of study is called “Grief and Bereavement”.

The field of “Genetic Counseling” was very new back then, with only a  handful of colleges and universities offering this professional training. The curriculum included learning to do crisis intervention after the dealth of a baby or child, the death of a teenager or adult,  or the birth of a child with genetic abnormalities. We also studied many theories of how people cope with  any type of loss.

One on the very interesiting theoretical models we learned was a paradigm with a continuum (think of an example of a  continuum as a thermometer in which a person can have a high fever of 106, be sub-normal at 97 degrees, or have any body temperature in between.)

There is a continuum of how people deal with the loss or death of a loved one, from “Complicated” to “Uncomplicated”, and all degrees in between.

What is an example of an “uncomplicated bereavement” process?

From personal experience, I can talk about my Grandfather, who lived to be two months short of his 100th birthday. I lived near him when he died, visited often, and  never had a conflict with him. When he finally died, I cried profusely, sobbing in the nursing home. You might ask, “How is this considered an uncomplicated bereavement, because you are sobbing?”

The answer: People still grieve and cry in an uncomplicated bereavement. I had no regrets or guilt feelings….I just knew I would miss this amazing man.

People move through this type of grief process without the “complicating issues” of guilt, anger, regrets or other painful emotions.

What is an example of a “complicated bereavement”?  A dramatic example might be a child that is killed by a drunk driver.  A more subtle example might be that someone died, and your last words with the person were  hostile, or you had an unresolved argument.

This continuum is not a black or white situation. Think of it more like shades of grey, in that aspects of complication might present in any loss situation.

Coping Strategies after a Death of Loss

1) After a death or loss, think of anything you regret, feel guillty about, feel angry about, or wish you did differently.

2) Begin to keep a journal of your feelings and thoughts.

3) If you feel “stuck”, as though you are not moving through the grief process, perhaps you can consider professional help.