Tag Archives: Death and Dying

Ellen Anmuth Film Review – A Spiritual Perspective on Grief and Death in “Heart and Souls”

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According to Wikipedia,  “Heart and Souls is a 1993 fantasy/ comedy film about four deceased people who are trapped on earth and can only be seen by a single living human being who is recruited to help them take care of unfinished business.”

“Heart and Souls” has a very strong cast of talented actors such as Robert Downey, Jr., Charles Grodin, Alfre Woodard, Kyra Sedgwick, Elisabeth Shue, Tom Sizemore and David Paymer. With the added plus of a catchy musical score, this film  transports the viewer through many emotions from uplifting optimism to tearful sentimentality, without being over the top.

There has been documented research on “near death experiences”, where people who have been pronounced clinically dead have “come back” to describe conversations that took place in rooms other than the operating room where they were, with the theory that they left their bodies while in surgery, and visited other rooms in the hospital.

Survivors of this “near death experience” tend to have similar stories of being told that it was “not their time” and they returned to their bodies (see the research of Dr. Raymond Moody).

This film very sweetly tells the story of 4 people who died in a bus crash, and had unfinished business on earth, which they completed with the help of the Robert Downey, Jr. character named Thomas.

Why did this film grab my attention? As a Licensed Psychotherapist specializing in Grief and Bereavement Counseling, I watched it last week again, and experienced it from a different perspective. For many grieving people, the possibility that their loved one is still  nearby in spirit can create comfort. Some grieving people actually report evidence that their deceased loved ones are communicating with them.

On a more concrete level, if the movie viewer has no belief in the afterlife and the continuation of the soul, this film can deliver an inspirational message about the power of love. 

I recommend this film, both as “feel-good escapism” or as deeper spiritual inspiration and comfort for people who are grieving the death of a loved one.

Ellen Anmuth Film Review

Ellen Anmuth Commentary – CBS Grammy Awards, Creativity and Contribution

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What will your legacy be in this life? During the “In Memoriam” segment of the 2013 Grammy Award Show, I was touched by the passing of so many greats, and the wonderful music they left behind for us to enjoy.

Marvin Hamlisch and Donna Summer are just two of the amazing talents that are no longer with us, to continue their composing and performing.

Do you have a creative contribution to leave as a legacy? Certainly, the areas of music and art are challenging professions to break into, and make a mark.

However, in today’s world of You Tube and Internet publishing, I wonder if you may be holding back in sharing a musical gift to the world?

Take a chance….let your musical mind wander, and start to compose. Perhaps you can sing a song you love,  and sing it with your own brand of uniqueness and passion. Many people post these songs on You Tube.

Who knows how much joy another person may feel from enjoying your artistic expression?  Will you let your artistic expression be revealed and shared, or will you die without sharing your blessings and talents with the world?

To Cherish and To Love

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What does it mean “To Cherish”?  How is it different from the phrase,”To Love”?

Words can stir our emotions (when we are in a neutral state), and words can reflect the intensity of our emotions (when we are in an intensely emotional state.)

Have you ever “cherished a moment” or “cherished a person”? I am sure you have. Have you ever “cherished a moment” when another living thing (like a person or a beloved pet) was not there? I suspect that we can “cherish a sunset”, or “cherish a view of the Grand Canyon” but that language usually is spoken in the context of a shared experience with a loved one.

People say, “I love my car”, and “I love you”. We rarely say, “I cherish my car”.

What is the textbook definition of “cherish”? To cherish is to treat with affection, to hold dear, to protect and care for, to care for deeply, and to treat with tenderness, to name just a few.

Tonight over a cup of tea with friends, while we were discussing the topic of LOVE, someone mentioned the word. “Cherish”. I was stopped in my metaphoric tracks. (I was seated at the time.)  I told the person who mentioned the word that she should write a blog entry on the subject, as she is writing a blog on love.

When I got home, I continued  feeling this phrase, “To Cherish”, and felt a calling to write this article,”To Cherish and To Love”.  I suspect that if 20 people write on this topic, there will be 20 very different perspectives.

Why did I feel so deeply about this word? Not sure. Could it be the recent death of my uncle, the death of a close friend a few years ago, or the death of my father 8 years ago?

When I was a small child, I recall asking my parents why we had to “waste so many hours sleeping”?  When I learned we spend 1/3 of our lives sleeping, I felt this sadness of lost opportunity to live life. This was, of course, before I had any understanding of the medical reasons for sleep.I was, however, always acutely aware of the passage of time, and even as a child, sad for wasted moments of life.

As I get older, more people I love and cherish are dying. I have always cherished them. Our lifespans are limited, and some people die unexpectedly. I now savor the moments more, experience the people I love with greater presence of mind, and cherish them  more deeply.

Coping with Death: What is Complicated Bereavement?

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Coping with DeathWhat is a Complicated  Bereavement?

Back in 1975, when I was taking a Masters Degree program in Health Science and Genetic Counseling, we studied many theories of coping with the death of a loved one. The area of study is called “Grief and Bereavement”.

The field of “Genetic Counseling” was very new back then, with only a  handful of colleges and universities offering this professional training. The curriculum included learning to do crisis intervention after the dealth of a baby or child, the death of a teenager or adult,  or the birth of a child with genetic abnormalities. We also studied many theories of how people cope with  any type of loss.

One on the very interesiting theoretical models we learned was a paradigm with a continuum (think of an example of a  continuum as a thermometer in which a person can have a high fever of 106, be sub-normal at 97 degrees, or have any body temperature in between.)

There is a continuum of how people deal with the loss or death of a loved one, from “Complicated” to “Uncomplicated”, and all degrees in between.

What is an example of an “uncomplicated bereavement” process?

From personal experience, I can talk about my Grandfather, who lived to be two months short of his 100th birthday. I lived near him when he died, visited often, and  never had a conflict with him. When he finally died, I cried profusely, sobbing in the nursing home. You might ask, “How is this considered an uncomplicated bereavement, because you are sobbing?”

The answer: People still grieve and cry in an uncomplicated bereavement. I had no regrets or guilt feelings….I just knew I would miss this amazing man.

People move through this type of grief process without the “complicating issues” of guilt, anger, regrets or other painful emotions.

What is an example of a “complicated bereavement”?  A dramatic example might be a child that is killed by a drunk driver.  A more subtle example might be that someone died, and your last words with the person were  hostile, or you had an unresolved argument.

This continuum is not a black or white situation. Think of it more like shades of grey, in that aspects of complication might present in any loss situation.

Coping Strategies after a Death of Loss

1) After a death or loss, think of anything you regret, feel guillty about, feel angry about, or wish you did differently.

2) Begin to keep a journal of your feelings and thoughts.

3) If you feel “stuck”, as though you are not moving through the grief process, perhaps you can consider professional help.