Tag Archives: Love

Ellen Anmuth Film Review: “Field of Dreams” and the Law of Attraction

Posted on by

Ellen Anmuth Film ReviewOPTIMISM, HOPE AND THE FILM, “FIELD OF DREAMS”– A NEW LOOK AT  THE LAW OF ATTRACTION……

According to Wikipedia, “Field of Dreams” is a 1989 American fantasy-drama  starring Kevin Costner, James Earl Jones, Amy Madigan, Ray Liotta, Burt Lancaster and other talented actors. A famous line from the film is “If you build it, he will come”.

When I first watched this movie, I had never heard of “The Law of Attraction”, which has been defined as the belief that like attracts like, and by focusing on positive thoughts, one can attract positive things. Others have added that thoughts alone will not attract positive things into our lives. We must  also do the necessary actions to assist in our manifesting our desires.

How is this film “good medicine” for our lives? Today the Dow hit an all time high. People feel optimistic about the stock market…for this moment in time. There is no guarantee of continued increase in the stock market without some pullbacks. Ah…a metaphor for life? The stock market is higher since its inception, but always with ups and downs.

How do we stay calm and optimistic through life’s inevitable ups and downs?

1) Perhaps watch “Field of Dreams” again for a dose of good feelings. The character, played by Kevin Costner, did actions he believed in, even when others could not see or embrace his visions (pun intended!!)

2) Think of what you would like to create in your life…better health, more love, increase in financial security? Write a journal of your goals.

3) Write down the action steps under each goal.

4) Every day, do at least one action step toward the goal.

5) Keep a journal of your feelings. If you feel sad, fearful or pessimistic, write the feelings down and the date.

6) Do the action steps to address each fear or concern. If you have business concerns, call the local college business school or free resources, like the SBA or SCORE. Ask for help from others, take walks, meditate, listen to music, or do other activities that help your creativity.

7) If you have an issue with love or relationships, perhaps you can call a licensed therapist to explore your issues and get some help.

8) Be open to coincidences and synchronicity. In the film, Kevin Costner’s character went on a roller coaster ride of despair to hope, and found great love, meaning and fulfillment. Yes, watch this film again for inspiration, and enjoy!

Ellen Anmuth Film Review

 

Ellen Anmuth Film Review – A Spiritual Perspective on Grief and Death in “Heart and Souls”

Posted on by

According to Wikipedia,  “Heart and Souls is a 1993 fantasy/ comedy film about four deceased people who are trapped on earth and can only be seen by a single living human being who is recruited to help them take care of unfinished business.”

“Heart and Souls” has a very strong cast of talented actors such as Robert Downey, Jr., Charles Grodin, Alfre Woodard, Kyra Sedgwick, Elisabeth Shue, Tom Sizemore and David Paymer. With the added plus of a catchy musical score, this film  transports the viewer through many emotions from uplifting optimism to tearful sentimentality, without being over the top.

There has been documented research on “near death experiences”, where people who have been pronounced clinically dead have “come back” to describe conversations that took place in rooms other than the operating room where they were, with the theory that they left their bodies while in surgery, and visited other rooms in the hospital.

Survivors of this “near death experience” tend to have similar stories of being told that it was “not their time” and they returned to their bodies (see the research of Dr. Raymond Moody).

This film very sweetly tells the story of 4 people who died in a bus crash, and had unfinished business on earth, which they completed with the help of the Robert Downey, Jr. character named Thomas.

Why did this film grab my attention? As a Licensed Psychotherapist specializing in Grief and Bereavement Counseling, I watched it last week again, and experienced it from a different perspective. For many grieving people, the possibility that their loved one is still  nearby in spirit can create comfort. Some grieving people actually report evidence that their deceased loved ones are communicating with them.

On a more concrete level, if the movie viewer has no belief in the afterlife and the continuation of the soul, this film can deliver an inspirational message about the power of love. 

I recommend this film, both as “feel-good escapism” or as deeper spiritual inspiration and comfort for people who are grieving the death of a loved one.

Ellen Anmuth Film Review

Ellen Anmuth Psychotherapist: An Analysis of Compassion, Conflict, Insight and Relationships

Posted on by

Compassion, Conflict and Insight…How do these 3 concepts relate to  Relationships, Happiness, Love, Romance, Communication and Anger Management?

Today is Valentines Day….a day that is correlated with with Romantic Love. Have you ever heard the quote, “The work of real love begins after the romantic fantasy ends”? The author may have been M.Scott Peck or Harville Hendrix, and I regret that my attempt at “Googling” was unsuccessful to confirm the author.(Please let me know the correct author, if anyone finds out!)

I do recall reading a chapter in a book that related to the above-mentioned quote. This concept inspired me to further my work as a Psychotherapist and Educator, relative to teaching couples how to remain loving and connected when disagreements or conflict arises. I was inspired to develop a method called “The Language Of Solutions”, in which a 4-Step Method in the form of a dialogue guide teaches couples how to stay connected in a loving manner, even if they feel hurt, angry, dismissed, misunderstood, attacked, or the myriad of other emotions that can easily tear apart a loving bond.

When people feel hurt in a romantic relationship, there may be a number of reactions. Some people attack with angry words, and other people withdraw and sulk in isolating silence and detachment.

What role does compassion and insight play during a tense moment of conflict between loved ones? The degree of “reflex anger” can be reduced. If you learn about your partner’s “family of origin” issues, you may find yourself becoming more patient and less reactive. Abusive behavior is not to be tolerated. Couples can learn skills and strategies to deal with hurt and pain that is kind and loving. Anger can be expressed lovingly and compassionately, which can increase intimacy and closeness.

Action Strategies:

1) Talk to your significant other or loved one, and explore how conflict was handled in their family. Find out if they were allowed to speak about their thoughts or feelings, or if they were punished for communicating.

2) Discuss some guidelines for conflict resolution that each person could feel comfortable with, and remind your partner during those moments of conflict to use one of the methods.

3) Keep a log or diary of the trigger events that occur, and how you react. Self awareness is the first step toward a productive and successful plan of action.

 

 

The Language Of Love: Unexpected Strategies for Intimacy

Posted on by

What is an Unexpected, Powerful Strategy for Increased Intimacy in Relationships?

The answer may seem like a very dull response to this tantalizing question. The answer? Learn to use more “Objective Language” rather than “Subjective Language”.  You may cringe, and ask, “What are you talking about?” OK…here goes! To give an example of “Subjective Language”, I will write out a hypothetical dialogue.

Jane Doe asks, “What is the weather like today?” If I, Ellen Anmuth respond, “Nice”, that response is considered to be subjective, because the word “Nice” does not paint a “word picture” of the actual weather. A nice day for one person could be a rainy day, and for another, it could be a sunny day.

What is an example of “Objective Language”? If Jane Doe asks “What is the weather like today”, and I, Ellen Anmuth respond, “The sky is bright blue, the trees are rustling gently with the breeze, and there is not a cloud in the sky”, this response paints a “word picture” that you can visualize.

How does this example relate to romantic love and communication that enhances intimacy? In the case of a married couple, if a wife says to her husband, “I wish you would show your love more”, her husband may have an idea what she wants. However, the wife’s communication was very “subjective” because she did not define what specific behavior her husband could do that would register in her mind, heart and soul, as representing “love”. For example, would she want him to bring her flowers, empty the garbage, massage her back, or pay the bills once a month, for example? The list of possibilities are endless.

How do we decide if a word is “Subjective” or “Objective”? This is challenging, as there is a continuum of possibility. When I  ran workshops on communication, I would ask my class, “Is the word ‘Mountain’ considered subjective or objective?” Most of the class would say it was an “Objective” word. I would ask the class to close their eyes, and envision a mountain. Then, when I asked them to open their eyes, the group was amazed to learn that some people visualized a mountain in Hawaii, while others visualized a snow covered mountain in Switzerland in the winter.

The conclusion of this very complex communication challenge is this: When you think you may be communicating clearly and specifically, think again, or ask your partner what they are picturing, thinking or believing about what you are saying. Then be prepared that you may need to clarify, and attempt again to communicate more specifically what you mean. It is usually advisable to ask your partner to paraphrase his or her understanding of the message, and then….be prepared to further clarify your message! Communication is just that complex, because language is based on symbolic representation, which is different for every person.

 

 

 

To Cherish and To Love

Posted on by

What does it mean “To Cherish”?  How is it different from the phrase,”To Love”?

Words can stir our emotions (when we are in a neutral state), and words can reflect the intensity of our emotions (when we are in an intensely emotional state.)

Have you ever “cherished a moment” or “cherished a person”? I am sure you have. Have you ever “cherished a moment” when another living thing (like a person or a beloved pet) was not there? I suspect that we can “cherish a sunset”, or “cherish a view of the Grand Canyon” but that language usually is spoken in the context of a shared experience with a loved one.

People say, “I love my car”, and “I love you”. We rarely say, “I cherish my car”.

What is the textbook definition of “cherish”? To cherish is to treat with affection, to hold dear, to protect and care for, to care for deeply, and to treat with tenderness, to name just a few.

Tonight over a cup of tea with friends, while we were discussing the topic of LOVE, someone mentioned the word. “Cherish”. I was stopped in my metaphoric tracks. (I was seated at the time.)  I told the person who mentioned the word that she should write a blog entry on the subject, as she is writing a blog on love.

When I got home, I continued  feeling this phrase, “To Cherish”, and felt a calling to write this article,”To Cherish and To Love”.  I suspect that if 20 people write on this topic, there will be 20 very different perspectives.

Why did I feel so deeply about this word? Not sure. Could it be the recent death of my uncle, the death of a close friend a few years ago, or the death of my father 8 years ago?

When I was a small child, I recall asking my parents why we had to “waste so many hours sleeping”?  When I learned we spend 1/3 of our lives sleeping, I felt this sadness of lost opportunity to live life. This was, of course, before I had any understanding of the medical reasons for sleep.I was, however, always acutely aware of the passage of time, and even as a child, sad for wasted moments of life.

As I get older, more people I love and cherish are dying. I have always cherished them. Our lifespans are limited, and some people die unexpectedly. I now savor the moments more, experience the people I love with greater presence of mind, and cherish them  more deeply.