Tag Archives: Anger

Feeling Upset? 3 Quick Tips for Getting Happier

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This blog answers emails from readers. Today’s email comes from Jennifer in Kansas City.

Jenifer asks:Dear Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: I find myself feeling upset lately. Do you have any advice? Thanks very much.

Ellen Anmuth, MS, MSW, LCSW, Psychotherapist replies:

Dear Jennifer: Your question is universal. “Getting Upset” is a common phenomenon. By “upset”, do you mean  that you feel angry, sad, or afraid? Do you experience behavioral changes, such as sleep disturbances, over-eating, not eating enough, yelling at other people, using drugs or alcohol? Here are 3 tips for dealing with “feeling upset”.

Tip #1: Look inward, and try to name your feelings. By “Upset”, do you mean that you feel sad, angry, afraid, or all  3? Sometimes, when people feel angry, it could be that they are feeling sad, and are not allowing those feelings to be acknowledged. Similarly, people can feel sad, when they are denying feelings of anger. There is an expression, “what we resist, persists”. One way to manage “upset feelings” is to isolate the feelings, and connect with them. By allowing our true feelings to be expressed, we gain some control over them.

Tip # 2: Notice what events may have occurred in your life in the past year. Did someone you love get ill, or die? Have you had a relationship breakup? Are you having financial problems? Is your health changing? Some of us try to cope with sadness or loss by minimizing these events. It is better to acknowledge the events, and work the feelings of loss through with a friend or a licensed psychotherapist.

Tip #3: Look back to your family of origin history and your childhood. In adulthood, seemingly benign events may trigger unresolved issues of childhood. For example, if you had a very controlling mother or father, a boss at work may trigger some unresolved feelings from years ago. Feelings of helplessness or powerlessness in the workplace could result in depression, anxiety or anger.

Hopefully, exploring these three areas will help turn the general concept of “feeling upset” into a situation in which you can more clearly define and describe the real issues that need to be addressed. This leads to a feeling of control and well-being when a breakthrough in understanding and coping can be achieved.

3 Tips for Forgiving a Person Who Hurt You

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How do you react when you are hurt (emotionally) by someone else? Do you store up anger, and feel upset for days, weeks, months or years?  Believe it or not, some people go through a lifetime of resentment, being unable to shift out of feeling upset. Here are 3 tips for forgiving a person who has hurt you.
Tip #1–Ask yourself if the person who hurt you is mentally impaired. If you have been attacked or hurt by a person with addiction, psychiatric disorders, or other impairments, it is helpful to tap into any feelings of compassion for that person. Of course, it is not easy. However, the mentally ill person may have been severely abused as a child, and  may abuse others  as a result of their trauma.

Tip # 2–Acknowledge your anger, hurt or any other feelings. Write your feelings and thoughts in a journal or diary, or talk with a friend or therapist.  Discuss your feelings with the person who hurt you, if they are receptive or able.  If these steps do not work, it may be helpful to acknowledge your feelings, explore any childhood experiences of being hurt that may be activated, and honor your need to heal from being attacked or mistreated. For many, it is necessary to grieve the symbolic or actual loss before true forgiveness can be reached.

Tip #3–Read up on the concept of forgiveness. From what I have learned, forgiveness does not mean that you condone the hurtful behavior of the other person. Rather, it means that you release the anger, and perhaps, explore if there are any positive aspects of this unfortunate experience. This is not an easy journey, and honoring your feelings of anger and hurt is the first step toward healing and moving on.