Relationships are fluid….like an intricate and delicate dance, the relational system is ever-changing. Sometimes relationships become more distant and detached, and other times,  people in relationship become more deeply connected.

 How do we create deeper connections?

Perhaps the first question may be, “do you want to deepen the relationship you are in?” Depending upon the nature of the relationship, firmer boundaries may be advantageous.

What do I mean by “boundaries”? Boundaries can be understood as the separations between people. For example, in the workplace, some relationships are meant to be more distant, in that it may be unwise to share too much personal information, especially during  a crisis, such as a divorce.

In personal relationships, such as friendships, the dance of relationship seems to be in assessing the “climate” of intimacy vs. distance, in terms of how much personal information to disclose.

In relationships that are becoming romantic, the dance step still remains a fluid process. For example, how much vulnerability do you disclose, and at what stage in the relationship?

For most people, timing is important, and it may be advisable to disclose small bits of vulnerable information at first, to assess how such tender information if handled by the other person. In a healthy and loving relationship, past hurts and vulnerabilities, if handled appropriately, can be help build a foundation of trust and deepening love.

In romantic relationships that are longstanding, if a person begins to disclose vulnerable information outside the relationship, this could be a sign that intimacy is beginning to deteriorate, and the relationship may benefit from therapy by a licensed mental health professional.

TIPS:

1) Assess carefully when you are ready to disclose some vulnerability in a developing relationship.

2) Notice how you feel when you disclose this information. Does the other person seem to connect with you more deeply, or run away?

3) Check in with yourself. What expectations do you have of this potential friend or partner? What do you think is a healthy balance of opening up some vulnerability, but not overwhelming the other person with too much information for their comfort zone?

4) In attempting to create deeper connections, it is important to evaluate the readiness and ability of the other person to handle such disclosures.

Relationships: Creating Deeper Connections