Tag Archives: Cancer

Ask Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: Coping With A Cancer Diagnosis

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Ask Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist

Ask Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist

A cancer diagnosis can be terrifying. The journey can begin with a swollen lymph node, a breast lump discovered while showering, or a visit to the doctor, where the words “we need to get this biopsied” reverberate in you head in stunned panic.

This blog series answers email questions from readers. Robin from Westchester, NY writes:

Dear Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: I had a mammogram a month ago, and was called back for another scan, because they found something that concerned them. Yesterday, I went back for a repeat scan, and they found some abnormality…not sure, but I think they said something about calcification. I set up a biopsy for next week, and I am really afraid that this may be cancer. Please help me.

Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: Dear Robin….It is normal to feel anxiety when told that you need a biopsy. The fear of cancer looms heavy when told that we need to do a biopsy, which is an invasive procedure. Let’s outline some approaches:

1) You live in Westchester, NY which is very close to New York City, with some of the best Medical Schools and Universtiy Medical Centers in the world. Many people like to take their mammogram scans to a University Medical Center, and get a second opinion. You may even want to get another mammogram at the medical center in New York City, and get a second opinion from a specialist in this area. Often times, the University Hospitals are aware of the current research, and if you find a world renowned expert in the diagnosis of breast cancer, you may feel more comfortable. It would be a shame to undergo a biopsy if an expert has an opinion different from  your community doctor. Of course, you can always get a third opinion if the first 2 doctors disagree.

2) Let’s look at some emotional coping skills. First, a cancer diagnosis is no longer is a death sentence. There are many approaches to breast cancer, and treatments are improving all the time. Even in a serious cancer diagnosis, there have been people who have defied the odds, and survived. Dr. Bernie Siegel wrote a book called “Love, Medicine and Miracles” in which he documented cancer patients who told their doctor that they were not going to die, and survived. Remember….the journey of a possible cancer diagnosis is a challenging one, and yet if you are open to support, the journey can be easier. The hospital social work services department can refer you to cancer support groups and licensed mental health providers who can help.

One approach emotionally is to “stay in the moment” and notice if you are visualizing a disaster scenarios. If you start to imagine death and pain, stop and ask yourself if there is fact to support your catastrophic images, or just your fear. Yes, fear is understandable, but try to manage the tendency to imagine the worst. Think back on your family of origin coping skills. Did your parents have a pessimistic tendency, always jumping to the worst possible conclusion? Or, did they tend to be optimists or realists? Reflecting on some automatic patterns you may have learned can be helpful. Finally, some people like to seek religious and/or spiritual support, and find comfort by doing so. Remember that current crises can bring up some repressed memories of past unresolved issues. A licensed mental health professional can be of help with coping with the wide array of issues that emerge when faced with a possible cancer diagnosis.

Watch the Charlie Rose Show’s Tribute to Roger Ebert

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Roger Ebert ‘s life was discussed on the Charlie Rose show on April 8, 2013, by a panel who were articulate, eloquent and inspiring.

I grew up watching the Siskel and Ebert film reviews on TV and enjoyed their intellectually stimulating discussions about films. In retrospect, I think that they modeled for me a level of sophisticated conversation where two very bright people could disagree and argue with respect and kindness.

That  level of intellectual conversation was a training ground for me, of sorts. As a therapist, I learned to teach communication skills and conflict resolution skills, noting the difference between “content” and “process”. Yes, the “content” of the discourse between Siskel and Ebert was lively, smart and intellectually stimulating. The “process” of their interaction was a role model where each person maintained their passionate beliefs about a film, and yet, always in a manner that acknowledged the other person’s validity and right to their point of view.

I learned that two people can have very divergent opinions, and both can be right. When it comes to a film review, many points of view have validity. These two men modeled how to have a healthy relationship….a good role model of conflict management for marriages, friendships and the business world.

When I watched the Charlie Rose tribute to Rober Ebert, other aspects were discussed, such as his generosity to write letters to his viewers, responding to their questions. He had a strong Twitter following after he lost his voice to the ravages of cancer and had written numerous letters to TV viewers, who shared these letters on Twitter. The Charlie Rose Show paid tribute to his generosity and kindness, as he took time out of his busy week to personally answer letters. The impact on his viewers was profound to them, personally and professionally.

When he lost his voice to cancer, he began to use Twitter to continue to critique films, and expanded his analysis to life and his illness. He was such an entertaining writer, that his Twitter followers looked forward to his comments about life.

What an amazing legacy of intellect, kindness and exceptional work ethic. I will certainly miss him, and recommend that The Charlie Rose Show’s tribute to Roger Ebert is a must see.