Tag Archives: Ellen Anmuth MSW

HGTV’s “Property Brothers”–The Psychology of Dreams Fulfilled

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Recently, I began watching HGTV’s “The Property Brothers” upon the recommendation of a friend. As a Licensed Psychotherapist, I was fascinated by the theme of “dreams fulfilled” that threads through every episode.

There is always a happy ending. Usually, a couple sets out on a journey to find the house of their dreams, to find that they cannot afford it. Lo and behold, “The Property Brothers” are able to negotiate the sale of a fixer-upper, and then embark on a renovation. Often, the predictable drama that unfolds ranges from unexpected mold, to termites, to a threatened budget crunch issue or some other disaster.

Yes, always a happy ending, as “The Property Brothers” are able to overcome all odds, and give the couple the house of their dreams. On a psychological level, what is the reason that this show is so magnetic to viewers?

There are likely multiple reasons: The education that is provided about home renovation, design ideas, real estate negotiation, and learning about different parts of the world are just a few reasons.  However, I think that a major reason that the show is so successful is that the viewers always get to see happy endings every hour!  Like a Norah Ephron film, the couple walks into the metaphoric sunset, delighted with their new home and their romantic new life.  Like “Sleepless in Seattle” and “You’ve Got Mail”, viewers of “The Property Brothers” get to see couples with happy endings every episode!

I think that in this stressful world, people are craving stories of happy endings. News reports are mostly about bad news rather than “feel good” stories of philanthropy and kindness.

I wonder if  some day, there will be a show on how to deal with unscrupulous contractors, cheating handymen, home-makeover disasters, and the trauma of real life home remodeling. For now, however,  viewers can delight into the comforting world of “Happily Ever After”, and hope that their own home renovation projects go as smoothly.

JFK 50 Years Later: National Grief and the Anniversary Phenomenon

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What is an “Anniversary Phenomenon”, and how is November 22, 2013 and President John F. Kennedy a trigger for unresolved grief?

When I studied Genetic Counseling, the Grief Process, and Psychotherapy, I was fascinated with the effects–both conscious and unconscious- of the anniversary phenomenon.

On a conscious level, we often have emotional reactions to birthdays and special occasions related to people who died, or who are no longer in our lives.  Some examples of trigger events could be songs, the sound of a bird, an aroma of flowers, a familiar handshake, meeting someone with the same first name of a person who is no longer in your life, or a myriad of other events.

On an unconscious level, we might also be affected. For example, if you are turning 50, and  your parent died at that age, you may have anxiety or depression that seems to emerge “out of the blue”. On a deeper level, we may be affected by unresolved grief.

What are some tips regarding unresolved grief and anniversary phenomenon?

1) Acknowledge the reality of the loss, and the feelings.

2) Be aware of the self critical voice that may tell you to just “get over it”.

3) Set aside some time on a regular basis to either talk with a friend or a therapist about your unresolved feelings.

4) Some people find that writing in a journal helps to bring up issues and feelings that need to be healed and resolved.

5) Be aware of any unresolved guilt about what you wish you could have done differently.

6) Anger is a common reaction to loss, and many people tend to be self critical when anger comes up. Know that feelings of grief most often includes anger, which also needs to be resolved.

7) Resolving a loss can be a lifelong journey. Be open to the trigger events that cause feelings to rise to the surface, and take the time to address them. You will be a more peaceful person for the effort, time and energy.

 

Music Therapy: 3 Keys for Creating Calm in Stressful Times

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The term “Music Therapy” may bring up the image of a professionally trained  “Music Therapist” interacting with a child, adolescent or adult in a hospital, rehabilitation facility or office, in order to help them deal with stress. These applications are well known and very helpful.

I recall how impressed I became with the field of Music Therapy when I worked at Miami Children’s Hospital years ago. A Music Therapist was involved in a research study, in which two groups of children were given two different experiences during surgery. One group of children had surgery with head phones and music, and another group of children had surgery without head phones and no music. The results: The group of children who had music during the surgery asked for less pain medicine after surgery!

It was wonderful for the effects of music to be quantified in this way. I had also heard of a research project involving plants, although I cannot verify this study. I was told that one group of plants were exposed to classical music, another group of plants were exposed to New York City street noise, a third group of plants were exposed to rock music, and the last group of plants had complete silence. The results: The plants exposed to classical music grew the most and were the healthiest! I think the worst result were the plants exposed to New York City street noise.

The purpose of this article is to inspire readers to embrace a simple practice of listening to inspiring music….whatever it is for you…..in a conscious and therapeutic manner, in order to create feelings of calm in the midst of challenging moments.

For example, if you are going through a hard time (such as a health issue causing you fear), a relationship issue (such as a death or a divorce), financial problems or any life challenge, taking a “mini music vacation” can change your mood and improve your health, even for a brief period of time. For example, people who meditate can lower their blood pressure. Listening to music can be a meditation.

You can select music that creates a feeling of calm when stressed,  or happy and upbeat music if you feel down or depressed. It is always important to honor all emotions, rather than deny or repress them.

3 KEYS TO CREATING “A MUSIC THERAPY” STRATEGY:

1) Write out a list of songs that have special meaning to you, and which are associated with happy times.

2) Keep these musical selections handy so that you can listen “in the moment”.

3) If you are not in a situation where listening to music is possible, have a “play list” in your head. Imagine that your mind is a metaphoric radio, and you can “hit a button” and recall a song, including the lyrics and melody. If you are able to recall the tune and/or lyrics during times of stress, just play the song in your head! This is a technique similar to self hypnosis or guided imagery, In fact, as you sing the song to yourself, you could also imagine sights, sounds, aromas and feelings of a time in which you felt peaceful or happy.

While a few moments of “music therapy” cannot completely fix serious and complicated emotional problems, the music will provide a “mini-vacation” so that you will rest, re-group, and have more coping skills to handle life’s challenges.

If you are experiencing severe anxiety or depression, it is best to see a licensed mental health provider.