What is an “Anniversary Phenomenon”, and how is November 22, 2013 and President John F. Kennedy a trigger for unresolved grief?
When I studied Genetic Counseling, the Grief Process, and Psychotherapy, I was fascinated with the effects–both conscious and unconscious- of the anniversary phenomenon.
On a conscious level, we often have emotional reactions to birthdays and special occasions related to people who died, or who are no longer in our lives. Some examples of trigger events could be songs, the sound of a bird, an aroma of flowers, a familiar handshake, meeting someone with the same first name of a person who is no longer in your life, or a myriad of other events.
On an unconscious level, we might also be affected. For example, if you are turning 50, and your parent died at that age, you may have anxiety or depression that seems to emerge “out of the blue”. On a deeper level, we may be affected by unresolved grief.
What are some tips regarding unresolved grief and anniversary phenomenon?
1) Acknowledge the reality of the loss, and the feelings.
2) Be aware of the self critical voice that may tell you to just “get over it”.
3) Set aside some time on a regular basis to either talk with a friend or a therapist about your unresolved feelings.
4) Some people find that writing in a journal helps to bring up issues and feelings that need to be healed and resolved.
5) Be aware of any unresolved guilt about what you wish you could have done differently.
6) Anger is a common reaction to loss, and many people tend to be self critical when anger comes up. Know that feelings of grief most often includes anger, which also needs to be resolved.
7) Resolving a loss can be a lifelong journey. Be open to the trigger events that cause feelings to rise to the surface, and take the time to address them. You will be a more peaceful person for the effort, time and energy.