Tag Archives: Coping with Change

Ask Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: Dealing With Feelings of Isolation

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“Ask Ellen Anmuth Psychotherapist” is a series in which people send questions via email to Ellen Anmuth, Licensed Psychotherapist, and each month, a few  emails are selected for this blog series. Today’s topic is “Dealing with Feelings of Isolation”.

It is a very interesting time in history. Why are people feeling lonely, when the technology seems to connect people through social media? For example, people may have “Facebook Friends” who they have never actually met. The definition of “friendship” has been altered recently, to include strangers, perhaps loosely connected by business or by friends of friends. It is not surprising that people tell me that they feel disconnected, when they live in an illusion of being surrounded by “friends”.

If someone has  Facebook friends, followers on Twitter, or connections on Linkedin or on Google Plus, they may be feeling an undercurrent of loneliness, despite the illusion or appearance of connections. Additionally,the written Internet language has been reduced to micro abbreviations, and text messages have replaced phone calls for many. To what extent are deep emotions communicated digitally? Is “LOL” the mainstay and epitome of emotional expression? I think that the “glue” of relationships is  shared activities and the exchange of stories and deep feelings, to name just a few elements.The Internet often makes that difficult.

On the positive side, the social media does provide the potential for people to meet in person or on the phone, and to develop business and/or personal relationships. However, more often than not, if a person has 20,000 twitter followers, there is clearly not a connection with many of them.

How can people in this age of digital connection, address the sense of isolation that emerges from the lack of personal contact?

Diane from Ohio writes: Dear Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: I have recently moved from the San Francisco Bay area to move to a small town in Ohio to take care of elderly parents. I miss my good friends and the vibrant, intellectual atmosphere of a big city, and I am feeling isolated here. I find it difficult to make new friends, and develop intellectual companionship. Any ideas?

Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: Diane, you are dealing with many losses: It is likely that you are grieving San Francisco, a vibrant city with much culture and your group of friends. Allow yourself to go through a grief process, acknowledging the loss. Perhaps a grief and bereavement group may be helpful. In addition,    do you have hobbies and interests that you could get involved in? There is a website called Meetup.com, where people can search  for groups in their city, and you may find like-minded people. Many public libraries have discussion groups that you can sign up for. If caring for your elderly parents is taking up most of your time, could you hire a nurse part-time, so that you could develop new relationships and connections? Moving to a new town involves many adaptive tasks, and staying positive and optimistic is the first step toward bringing more friends into your life.

 

 

Ellen Anmuth Psychotherapist: “The Language of Solutions” for Coping with Change

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What is “The Language Of Solutions”, and How Can It Be Used For Coping With Change?

“The Language of Solutions” is an educational wellness program, taught as a  private “Tele-Training” using a 40 page workbook and 6 hours of private telephone instruction. The core teaching is a unique 4-Step Method in the form of a flow chart. The 3rd step is a system within the 4-Step Method which teaches people how to manage emotions for many purposes: Communication and conflict resolution, improved relationships, weight loss, anger management, stress management, grief and bereavement and other wellness purposes.

This article will focus on how to use “The Language Of Solutions” for Coping with Change. When we are involved with change, there will likely be feelings of anxiety or sadness, even with change for the positive. By definition, CHANGE usually involves the loss of many things, and the addition of many things.

Even in a welcomed change, there may be a grieving process, because we are saying goodbye to the known. For example, if you live in New York, and are offered a desired new job in San Francisco, this type of change will likely bring up feelings of both happiness and sadness. You will probably be saying goodbye to friends and people you know in one city to begin a new life. Whatever the scenario, change brings up feelings, be it large and obvious, or small and symbolic.

Action Tips:

1) Notice what you are feeling.

2) Write in a journal, noting all feelings from happy and positive, to fearful and sad.  Become aware if there are any trigger events that occur to cause these feelings. A trigger event can be an external event or an internal event, such as a flashback or an “inner dialogue”.

3) Notice if you allow yourself to feel the feelings without criticism or judgement. Then, see if you can analyze the trigger events. Sometimes we have thought patterns and beliefs that may cause us to feel worse.

4) If you are self critical, allow yourself a new possibility to acknowledge that feelings are normal. We often feel more stressed when we try to change feelings. When we acknowledge and allow feelings, they tend to release.

5) If you are filled with sadness or anxiety that you cannot reduce on your own, contact a licensed psychotherapist to help during this transition.

6) In addition, “The Language Of Solutions” Self Improvement and Wellness Programs 4-Step Method Training Program can provide a self help strategy as a stand alone course, or in conjunction with the help of a licensed psychotherapist.