Tag Archives: Relocation

How to Hold it Together When You Are Coming Apart…Or, It Just Feels That Way

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“Ask Ellen Anmuth Psychotherapist” is an ongoing feature of this blog, “TheLanguageOfSolutions.com/blog”. Readers’ questions  are answered when they have a broad appeal. Samantha is dealing with  universal issues of grief, loss, change and feeling overwhelmed, depressed and anxious.

Samantha from Texas writes: Dear Ellen Anmuth, MSW, Licensed Psychotherapist and Genetic Grief Counselor:

I have been dealing with many changes in my life. A new job has required me to relocate to another state, away from family and friends. In addition, I need to buy a house, pack and move. I feel overwhelmed with all the details. I am becoming depressed, and the more depressed I get, the more I feel scared that I am in a downward spiral. Please help me cope with all the things I am facing, as I am not holding it together very well. I cannot seem to concentrate as well as I used to.

Ellen Anmuth, MSW, Licensed Psychotherapist:  Dear Samantha: I am sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed, anxious and overwhelmed by the stress of a new job, new location, needing to buy a house, pack, move and handle all the paperwork and details of that relocation.

A home relocation is a giant task…a new job is also huge…buying a new home and moving out of state is monumental.  Feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of the tasks is normal.

One solution to getting control of the feelings of depression and anxiety may be revealed in a strategy called compartmentalization.  Here are some techniques that can help:

1) Become aware that there are emotional tasks, intellectual tasks, and physical tasks. Some people believe that there are also spiritual tasks. It may be helpful to begin to write in a journal. log book or diary, creating a section for each topic above.

2) Once you have made entries in your log book related to these different “task” areas, create another sub-section where you write down your emotions related to each area. The exercise of naming our emotions and writing our thoughts and feelings about them may create a sense of catharsis and control. In addition, this exercise may identify topics and areas of your life in which seeking support would be helpful. The support can be in the area of professional counseling, reaching our to friends, or other resources in your community.

3) Years ago, I was a Grant Writer. Faced with this gigantic task, I would make an outline, including goals, objectives and action steps to achieve each goal. For anyone facing a major life move, breaking down each big task into smaller “mini-tasks” can provide two things: (a) a road map of what to do first, second and third, and (b) emotional relief over some feelings of stress, in that the trail to follow has been mapped out.

4) Stay Flexible to Change Course: Anything can pop-up along the way that is unexpected. It is best to “expect the unexpected”, so that road blocks encountered can be experienced as expected steps, not as scary surprises.

5) Honor Feelings of Grief and Loss: Even when a relocation is expected and hoped for, such as a desired new job, feelings of sadness and loss will likely come along. Saying goodbye to friends and local family is very challenging. Finding a good therapist who understands the grief process can be helpful, (Remember that not all losses and grief processes involve an actual death, but rather, separations and change.)

Samantha, I hope these strategies help during your time of transition.

 

Ask Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: Dealing With Feelings of Isolation

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“Ask Ellen Anmuth Psychotherapist” is a series in which people send questions via email to Ellen Anmuth, Licensed Psychotherapist, and each month, a few  emails are selected for this blog series. Today’s topic is “Dealing with Feelings of Isolation”.

It is a very interesting time in history. Why are people feeling lonely, when the technology seems to connect people through social media? For example, people may have “Facebook Friends” who they have never actually met. The definition of “friendship” has been altered recently, to include strangers, perhaps loosely connected by business or by friends of friends. It is not surprising that people tell me that they feel disconnected, when they live in an illusion of being surrounded by “friends”.

If someone has  Facebook friends, followers on Twitter, or connections on Linkedin or on Google Plus, they may be feeling an undercurrent of loneliness, despite the illusion or appearance of connections. Additionally,the written Internet language has been reduced to micro abbreviations, and text messages have replaced phone calls for many. To what extent are deep emotions communicated digitally? Is “LOL” the mainstay and epitome of emotional expression? I think that the “glue” of relationships is  shared activities and the exchange of stories and deep feelings, to name just a few elements.The Internet often makes that difficult.

On the positive side, the social media does provide the potential for people to meet in person or on the phone, and to develop business and/or personal relationships. However, more often than not, if a person has 20,000 twitter followers, there is clearly not a connection with many of them.

How can people in this age of digital connection, address the sense of isolation that emerges from the lack of personal contact?

Diane from Ohio writes: Dear Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: I have recently moved from the San Francisco Bay area to move to a small town in Ohio to take care of elderly parents. I miss my good friends and the vibrant, intellectual atmosphere of a big city, and I am feeling isolated here. I find it difficult to make new friends, and develop intellectual companionship. Any ideas?

Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist: Diane, you are dealing with many losses: It is likely that you are grieving San Francisco, a vibrant city with much culture and your group of friends. Allow yourself to go through a grief process, acknowledging the loss. Perhaps a grief and bereavement group may be helpful. In addition,    do you have hobbies and interests that you could get involved in? There is a website called Meetup.com, where people can search  for groups in their city, and you may find like-minded people. Many public libraries have discussion groups that you can sign up for. If caring for your elderly parents is taking up most of your time, could you hire a nurse part-time, so that you could develop new relationships and connections? Moving to a new town involves many adaptive tasks, and staying positive and optimistic is the first step toward bringing more friends into your life.