Tag Archives: Self Improvement

Over-Eating and Feelings: Weight Loss Strategies

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Do you find that you over-eat when you are upset? This is a very common problem. What does “upset” really mean?

It means having feelings such as anger, sadness, fear, guilt, shame, hopelessness, helplessness, and…the list is very big.

Do you ever notice yourself over-eating, and glazed over watching TV while eating a bag of chips or pretzels, not being aware of eating 8 portions?

How do we get control of automatic over-eating?

Action Strategies:

1) If you find yourself opening the pretzel cabinet, or standing in front of the refrigerator, ask yourself, “What am I feeling now?”, and “Am I biologically hungry, or simply yearning to change my mood?”

2) Close the cabinet or refrigerator door, go to your desk in  another room, and write down an issue that is making you sad, scared or angry. Then write down all the feelings about these issues.

3) Then, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and take a few minutes to either listen to soft music, or simply let your mind wander. It also helps to give yourself positive messages of support and compassion.

4) Re-alert gently, and ask yourself, “Am I still biologically hungry?” If the answer is yes, ask yourself what type of food would nourish your body. Then, go to the kitchen, and select the healthy foods best suited to soothing your body’s needs. At this time, after relaxing and identifying your feelings, you are most likely to eat slower and make healthier selections.

 

Frustration, Grief and Stress Management

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Stress Management is a broad term. Moment to moment, we encounter inner thoughts, past memories and current environmental triggers. This article will focus on the experience of Frustration, and the feeling of Grief that often “hides below” the frustration.

What do I mean by “hides below” the feeling of frustration? This is a figure of speech, rather than a true psychological term. Have you ever been very frustrated over an issue that you cannot change or control, and then began to cry, or feel sadness?

Feelings of frustration and grief are often experienced together, but usually not at the same time. For example, if you love someone who has a destructive tendency, you may feel frustrated that you cannot change or influence that person’s behavior. If you dig a little deeper, you may find that you also are very sad, as well. Ironically, the best way to manage a feeling is to first identify it and acknowledge that it exists, rather than repress or deny it. We tend to feel sad and angry when we perceive that we have little or no control over a situation.

Helpful Strategies to Manage Frustration:

1) Become aware of the issue that bothers you, and acknowlege the feeling of frustration, and loss of control over the situation.

2) Ask yourself if you are also sad about that. If yes, take out a piece of paper and finish the sentence, “I feel sad about this situation because….”

3) Ultimately, acknowledging the feelings of both  frustration and sadness regarding a situation that you cannot change is a strategy to reduce the stressful impact of an issue that you cannot directly control. Future articles will address the Grief Process more specifically, and will describe ways to manage grief in a healthy way.

Interpersonal Communication: Can You Play Tennis if You Walk Off the Court?

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Interpersonal Communication: Can You Play Tennis if You Walk Off the Court?

Interpersonal Communication……it seems simple, doesn’t it? Remember the game of “Telephone”? For those who may not be of a “certain age”, the game was played this way: As a child, we would sit on the floor in a circle of 10-15 children, and whisper a phrase into the ear of the child to our right. That child would then whisper the message they heard into the ear of the child to their right, and around the circle the message would go. By the time the last child heard the message, he or she would tell the group what the message was. Of course, the message was never the same! Often, it was a distorted, comical new version of the original, and all the kids would laugh, knowing that the outcome would be a hilarious distortion of the original message.

Fast forward to the world of adult communication, and the outcomes are anything but comical. The breakdowns in communication are often wrought with gut-wrenching misunderstandings, hurt feelings, anger, resentments and broken relationships.

When you feel misunderstood, angry or hurt in a communication or relationship interaction, what is your style of dealing with that event? Do you detach and say nothing, get angry and explode, or explore the issue in an appropriate, calm and effective manner?

Do you metaphorically stay on the tennis court, and volley back the ball, or do you put down the tennis racquet, and walk off the court?

If you feel bad about an interpersonal interaction, do you continue the “tennis game” feeling resentful, but never call this person again to play tennis, keeping all your feelings secret? Or, do you know a few simple tools and techniques that you can use immediately?

Knowing your emotional style of handling communication breakdown, and using simple and effective communication strategies are the keys to having successful relationships in your personal and business life, which correlates with increased happiness and abundance in all your endeavors.

Three Action Tips:

  1. Recall your “family of origin”, or the family you grew up in. If you were in a non-traditional family, think about the people who had a great deal of influence over your upbringing.
  2. Analyze if there were any obvious patterns of behavior regarding communication and conflict resolution. Did parental figures detach in silence, not letting another person know if they were upset, or what their needs were? Or, did you grow up in a family where people exploded in anger, leaving emotional wreckage in their path? Or, did people tend to communicate calmly and clearly, to a resolution point where all parties felt heard and understood?
  3. Keep a log or journal of moments of stress or conflict in relationships. Document your patterns and note if you tend to detach, attack, or implement effective communication and conflict resolution strategies. Make connections to your family of origin patterns.